2.Ideal Relationship

In an ideal relationship between two people, they fully understand each other. Each person fully understands the thoughts, feelings, desires, likes, and dislikes of the other person. However, the ideal remains ideal, and never becomes real or possible.

It is impossible for us to fully understand the thoughts, feelings, desires, likes and dislikes of another person unless we have the superhuman ability to read what is in someone’s mind. We get to know what is inside someone’s mind only by what that person communicates to us verbally or non-verbally.

We all live our life based on our limited knowledge of life, and we can advance in life only by a process of trial and error. Therefore, it is human to err.  

A lot of people do the mistake of expecting an ideal relationship. Such expectation will only result in frustration, for there are no ideal people and there is no ideal relationship. Once they realize that they don’t have an ideal relationship,  they try to pretend before others that they have an ideal relationship. This is the stage of denial. Such pretension will only weaken our relationships. Once we stop the denial and admit the truth, then a healthy relationship slowly takes root.   

Although we may never see an ideal relationship in reality, it is always possible to imagine one, which may serve as a yardstick to measure our real relationships in our everyday life. Using the ideal as our goal, it is always possible to get to know each other better and strive for better and even better relationship.  

In a real relationship between two people, they will have partial understanding of each other, and they will also have a lot of misunderstandings of each other. Striving for better understanding and relationship means trying to identify the misunderstandings, and replace them with the right understandings. Here we will try to identify certain misunderstandings that generally occur in relationships. We will have to find out how misunderstandings develop in us in order to root them out.

Here we will focus more on our feelings rather than on our thoughts because in maintaining a relationship between two people, feelings are much more important than thoughts. Feelings are more basic to one’s self than thoughts. Thoughts can be voluntary or involuntary, but feelings are always involuntary.

Relationships -- Vertical & Horizontal

Relationships may be classified broadly into horizontal and vertical. In a horizontal relationship of two people, they are on the same level. Friends and team members are examples. But in a vertical relationship of two people, they are at different levels. The relationship between parents and children, and that between someone and his boss are examples.

When two people are at the same level, they can understand each other better. They can resolve a conflict that occurs among them. When two people are at different levels, one has more power than the other, and as a result, there will be less understanding between them, and more misunderstandings. So it is always harder to maintain a vertical relationship than a horizontal one.

Imagine a classroom, where the students have a horizontal relationship among themselves. Being in the same age group, they may not have any serious power struggle, and they can easily develop friendships. However, the students have a vertical relationship with their teacher, who has power over the students. Establishing and maintaining a friendly relationship between a teacher and the students demands very mature, skillful, and tactful dealings on the part of the teacher.

In a family setting, there is a horizontal relationship between the husband and wife, and also among the children of similar age-group. But between the parents and children, there is a vertical relationship. Parents have power over children, and children are very much dependent upon the parents. It takes very mature, skillful and tactful dealings on the part of the parents to maintain a healthy and friendly relationship with their children. 

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